Liveblogging "One Life To Live": The mystery of Brian Joseph McElhane

Okay, what the hell is going on here? Cristian and Layla are throwing around a book called How To Tell Your Parents You're Gay by Brian Joseph McElhane (and it looks to play a part in a sitcom-esque classic "misunderstanding" today).

There's just one problem ... Brian Joseph McElhane doesn't exist.

If you Google him, the only thing you'll get is Ed's Daytime Drive-by from yesterday. Which means either TPTB on the show used "Random Author Name Generator" ... or something weird is going on. Hmm...

Anyway, join us for the fun, as Oliver hopefully will come out to Kyle, and refresh for updates.

2:05PM EST: Carlotta picks up "the book" and reads the title out loud, then slowly looks at Cristian. Cris says "mommy, wait". How cute is it that Cris calls her "mommy". Awww!

Cole is about to be shot in the back of the head by the surfer-dude blond cop. Somehow I think he'll be stopped. Rachel has been put on the stand by That Bitch Tea Delgado, and is paying the price. She brings up her hooker/drug addict past. Stay classy, Tea.

2:10PM EST: This stuff with Carlotta is cute, even if the whole "gay misunderstanding" schtick is as old as the hills. She tells Cristian that she loves him even though he's gay, and that she accepts it, and that he doesn't have to hide it anymore. She talks about noticing "the signs", and a bemused Layla pitches in with "because of all the time he spends at the gym?", and Carlotta agrees and says "and all the trouble he has with women". Cris is flummoxed, and tries to get Layla to vouch for his heterosexuality.

2:20PM EST: Has Dorian always been this shrill-sounding? All I hear is "Kaw! Kaw! Kaw!"

The blond surfer-dude cop is shot by John, and as a dazed Cole is led out of his cell, Oliver swoops in to check on the fallen cop.

Layla reluctantly tells Carlotta that "The Book" is for a friend of theirs, and that Cristian is not gay. There's talk of how accepting Carlotta is even with being a church lady, but the only thing I could think was "that other actress quit over this?

2:25PM EST: Tea has completely destroyed Rachel on the stand, and as Rachel runs out of the courtroom, Nora gets in Tea's face and asks how she could do that. Tea yells "I did it for my client!", at which point Matthew points at her and screams "You're fired!" I'm liking this kid more and more.

2:40PM EST: I love that Oliver is focusing on Police Cop business, and he and John head on out together to capture the bad guys.

Layla and Cristian laugh off what happened with his mom, and then talk about giving "The Book" to Oliver. Layla commends him for going into a bookstore and buying "The Book" for him, which is something a lot of straight guys might be too uncomfortable to do. Cristian admits that two guys at the bookstore actually slipped him their phone numbers, prompting Layla to call him "gay catnip".

2:45PM EST: Tea drives Nora over the edge, and Nora delivers a hot slap across her face. The judge holds Nora in contempt, and for good measure holds Tea in contempt as well. Ha!

Oliver and John approach the mayor's office, and John reminds Oliver that they have to play this by "The Book". So, they're going to tell the mayor's parents that he's gay? I'm confused.

2:55PM EST: Matthew is mad at himself and mad at Tea, but since Tea has been put in a cell with Nora, he should probably be worried about the both of them.

Oliver and John bust into the mayor's office with guns blazing, but he's nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, The Russian mobster shows up at Todd's house ready to shut him up ... permanently.

And once again, Layla shoots down Cristian's not-too-subtle desire to be with her. Poor Cristian. But hey, he still has those two numbers!

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